2021 fic year in review
Jan. 3rd, 2022 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perpetuationsthis is the first time i've ever done this! i just have a lot of leftover scrambled thoughts from the fic i've written this year that i'd like to unscramble a little bit--it's nice to be able to take the time and reflect on what a year 2021 has been for me in terms of writing, hehe.
overall fic stats
works posted: 11
word count: 46,281
fandoms: 4 (the9/qcyn2, snh48group, nct, genshin impact)
individual fic + commentary
title: darkness descending
fandom: nct
ship: kun/chenle
favourite lines:
overall fic stats
works posted: 11
word count: 46,281
fandoms: 4 (the9/qcyn2, snh48group, nct, genshin impact)
individual fic + commentary
title: darkness descending
fandom: nct
ship: kun/chenle
favourite lines:
Chenle shifted. At the head of the table, he looked every part his role of Grand Admiral—a figure wreathed in imperial white, military badges dangling heavily on the lapel of his jacket. For the first time that night, Kun met his eyes. The overhead light had cast a shadow over him, swallowing all but the most prominent parts of his face: it made his cheekbones harsher, his eyebrows darker, the sharpness of his eyes more pronounced.
He thought of Chenle at five, laughing when Kun made a particularly funny joke to him. The way he’d cling onto Kun’s arms when he was ten, begging for Kun to pick him up. On his thirteenth birthday, when Kun had flown them around Coruscant, Chenle had watched their sky-tipped towers thread themselves into the clouds and, when they were far above, fade into little twinkling blips of light. He’d said, awed: I can rule Coruscant, from here. Maybe Kun should have taken that as a warning sign; at sixteen, the Emperor had reached into Chenle’s mind and never left.
thoughts:
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/mark
favourite lines:
That if you could personify silence, it felt like Johnny today; unsettling, unknown, a yawning gulf that beckoned to him for reasons he didn’t know. He felt the pull, then, from a still-sitting Johnny, one meter away from him in a comfortable hoodie and a placid expression that Mark couldn’t begin to decipher. He was close enough that it made Mark wonder—what would happen if he inched forwards, just a little bit? If he just slid down to the floor—if he placed a hand on the plush hoodie that Johnny was wearing—would Johnny push him away?
thoughts:
title: split the blank and the silence
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/ten
favourite lines:
“Just you,” murmured Johnny. “That’s why. Who else could it be?” He said so firmly too: like it was the easiest truth in the world. “There’s nobody else. It’s always been you.”
thoughts:
title: round river circle
fandom: qcyn2/snh48
ship: fei qinyuan/su shanshan
favourite lines:
“Then—could I be your boyfriend…?”
Silence. She waited for Su Shanshan’s expression to stutter shut, but it remained moon-like, half-light half-shadow shored into one soft circle. “You forgot already, didn’t you?” Su Shanshan murmured.
“Forgot—what?”
“What did you say you’d call me?”
“Ah… jie…” There was nothing else she could say besides that refrain, but before she could circle around it Su Shanshan was doing it for her: “Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan…” Her eyes were impossibly round. Like her name. Like the moon. Like the river, ebbing into a circle.
& the doubled dream section:
Summer was approaching. It had yet to rest upon them, but the sky was festering, waiting; there was no sun but intemperate humidity, clinging to their clothes and bodies. In this half-summer they had gone to Sichuan: Chengdu first, then Chongqing, and in Chongqing they had poured through the streets with unending laughter—oh how good it was to feel alive! To pass through stalls and haggle with vendors like tourists, to smell the delicious scent of spice and oil intermingling… to hold Su Shanshan’s hand as they traipsed through the city, taking in everything and anything that was on offer.
[...] “No, jie.” There was moisture dripping down her own cheeks; had she started to cry too? Yes, she had—her eyes were wet. Su Shanshan reached out to wipe her tears away, and, hands shaking, she reached back to hold Su Shanshan’s own face; the touch of it burned through her fingers. “No, it’s me. It's me who should be sorry…” She looked up, and Su Shanshan’s eyes were trembling with tears. They really were impossibly round. Like a stream, welling into the river circle. There was a lot of rainwater; it was half-summer, after all.
thoughts:
title: like real people do
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/donghyuck
favourite lines:
“In front of everyone?” murmured Johnny. He was imagining the scene like a movie in his head, where everyone else was the crew and they were the main actors. In his head Mark shouted Action! and Donghyuck approached; the pepero stick was wrapped around his lips. He beckoned at Johnny, who was consumed by whatever it was—the long-forgotten taste of chocolate, or Donghyuck’s carefree expression—and moved ever-so-slightly to nip at the stick. One bite, two bites, three—but before he could bridge that one-inch gap someone yelled CUT and the moment was over.
His hands were on Johnny’s chest now, his face above him. And light shone overhead like a cloudless sky; this was how it felt to have Donghyuck so warm and soft atop him. So Johnny could only lean in, and he heard himself saying: “Okay, okay, baby, I will,” and thereupon Donghyuck’s pleased murmur. And then the kiss, transmuted from the murmur out of which it had grown. And then the light again, an abundance of it, unstuttering in Donghyuck’s face, cheeks, nose, eyes. And thereafter, the sun.
thoughts:
title: love-god providence
fandom: nct
ship: kun/chenle
favourite lines:
—In a flash Chenle leaned forwards again and kissed him. “This is what I want,” he said. I
n his shock Kun could not bring himself to respond; all he could think of was the press of Chenle’s lips against his, so quick that it was over before it started. Yet he was left with the hollow ghost-print of it, and that sensation burned like a fuse throughout his body, exploding upon the question— “Why?”
Once again, Chenle leaned forwards—this time softer in approach but harder in action, his mouth pressing insistently against Kun’s. Like a hungry ghost, he was relentless; when Kun allowed himself to relent he felt Chenle shudder uncontrollably against him, gasping into Kun’s mouth before pulling away. “Ge,” he panted. His eyes were dark and hungry and bottomless. “You ask such stupid questions sometimes. That kiss was an answer, you know.”
thoughts:
title: pour out the night sky
fandom: nct
ship: kun/chenle
favourite lines:
Overhead the night sky was speckled with stars. They twinkled a merry little rhythm, winking mischievously at the Earth and its inhabitants below. The moon, engulfed in liquid white, curved into a crescent that stretched across the sky; even from so far away, Kun could feel its smile rest upon his face, and he felt strangely comforted by it—it felt like a guardian of sorts, guiding Kun along the mountain road.
Kun went, stumbling across the rocks in pitch-blackness. Around them it was still empty; the only sounds he could hear were his breathing and footsteps, amplified by the silence of the mountain night. Chenle did not move, and as Kun reached out to finally grasp his hand it was him that had to close his fingers around Chenle’s, turning them back to face the sky. He was terrified beyond belief, but it was a terror that was tempered by Chenle’s fingers in his. They were warm. They were good. The sun was beginning to dawn again. Together they stood, and together they were warm and good.
thoughts:
fandom: the9
ship: xu jiaqi/yu yan
favourite lines:
Somehow Yu Yan found herself floundering under Jiaqi’s gaze like a fish with no gills; every second made her breathing more and more erratic until she felt like she could no longer breathe. Drowned and humiliated, she moved to leave, but before she could take one step Jiaqi caught her by the arm. “I like you,” she repeated. That red smile was still on her face. “Why don’t you believe me?”
thoughts:
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/mark
favourite lines:
But, he thought shakily, he would have wanted it. He would have accepted all iterations of the disgusting pet names, just to hear Johnny utter them to him. He could feel them now, as he closed his eyes: the words were forming in Johnny’s mouth. In the air they coalesced into a whisper; or was it a hiss, slithering into Mark's own body? Like a man possessed he reached down, stroking himself with a fervor that left him even more feverish: it was not enough. He wanted Johnny's voice deeper in, right into the lining of his gut, and it was as this thought slid deeper that Mark felt himself start to grow hard.
Johnny sighed. His eyes flickered. “Ok. I get it. Now shut up.” He pushed his chair slightly forwards, and for some reason, Mark thought he was going to maybe—comfort him. Brush the tears from Mark’s cheeks. Or even kiss him, pulling Mark flush to his chest while doing so. God, Mark wanted that. He still wanted that, despite knowing that it was nothing more than a delusion. He was a crying, blubbering mess, but he would still let Johnny do anything. He would let Johnny consume him, like he’d seen in that Netflix show once. Give himself in completely. Let Johnny strip him down, feast on his flesh, and gnaw on his bones. He would let Johnny do it all.
thoughts:
title: claim your favour
fandom: genshin impact
ship: beidou/ningguang
favourite lines:
“Why not?” asked Ningguang, sounding far more amused than was befitting of the situation. “Does it not add to your charitable reputation? The Dragon-King, the ocean’s purveyor of protection, the hero who killed Haishan with her bare hands and was blessed with a vision for that feat—is also a tender and passionate lover in bed. By all accounts, no girl is left unsatisfied after a night with her—she makes love as generously as she pays. Is that not as positive of a description as any of us would want?”
“What do you want, then?” challenged Beidou. “Something more impetuous?” She went to where Ningguang was standing, perched against her large wooden desk, and knelt at her feet. “Your servant has arrived,” she said, pressing her head to the bottom of Ningguang’s dress. It was the perfect picture of subservience: the Captain of the Crux Fleet bowing for the Liyue Qixing’s Tianquan. If only the rest of Liyue could see them now, what would they think of her? Captain Beidou, who bowed for no-one—lapping at Ningguang’s feet like a dog hungry for validation. Perhaps they would think she had gone crazy.
“Rise,” Ningguang breathed out, and Beidou rose. “It’s unbecoming of you to prostrate yourself like this.”
thoughts:
fandom: gnz48 (snh48group)
ship: chen ke/zheng danni
favourite lines:
In the half-light of the bathroom window she saw Chen Ke. Through the shower steam she was barely a figure, just a shadow spilling over the side of the bed; yet even in the blurriness there was no doubt it was her. Perhaps Danni had just spent too long observing her shadow—the direction of it, how it sprawled precariously at an angle that was so distinctly Chen Ke—that she knew at first instance who it was.
thoughts:
some final thoughts
it was quite the fic year for me! i did do a thread on twitter answering some other ao3 questions. i've really enjoyed being in nct fandom this year--i think the new friends i made this year are all because of something to do with kunle, LOL. i know i'm kind of half-in half-out of nct fandom, but it's always going to be a fandom for me (i think)! i am a 127ist first and foremost, and re: the rpf part of that i do love seeing the new combos pop up and dynamics shift/change; it's a load of fun. it's very NCT48 of them I Must Say!
in terms of goals... this year i'd like to continue to write--i've got a few kunle thoughts that i'd like to write, e.g You Know What (hehe) and also i think i'd still like to return to some futurefic exploration.... and i've got many DANKE fic thoughts as always... i have to write something danke that i'm happy with or i will be so annoyed hhhh. i also do want to write some non-rpf fic--maybe i'll sign up for an exchange or two! oh and i'm NOT going to miss yuletide signups again. here's to more fic! <3
p.s if you like snh48 pls be my friend. also if you like danke i think we should be best friends.
He thought of Chenle at five, laughing when Kun made a particularly funny joke to him. The way he’d cling onto Kun’s arms when he was ten, begging for Kun to pick him up. On his thirteenth birthday, when Kun had flown them around Coruscant, Chenle had watched their sky-tipped towers thread themselves into the clouds and, when they were far above, fade into little twinkling blips of light. He’d said, awed: I can rule Coruscant, from here. Maybe Kun should have taken that as a warning sign; at sixteen, the Emperor had reached into Chenle’s mind and never left.
thoughts:
- written for a little wonder fic fest (lol)
- i started off the year with kunle! to be very honest, it wasn't because i had a lot of Thoughts on their dynamic (like, i hadn't even read any kunle fic)--my major goal was that i wanted to write cl as a star wars villain, and i was thinking about who would be a good counterpart to that and i immediately thought of kun! this was just post nct-2020 and i had thought the kunle interactions were super cute then, and of course, who could forget the whole iconic snow white thing?
- mostly i had a very strong idea of what i wanted the ending to be, and i mean there was a 3k word limit too so i was quite conscious of that when writing...... i just really wanted the whole "younger person grows up to be stronger and more terrible than the older" dynamic here!
- i'm fairly satisfied w this fic, i think i did what i wanted to do & even though i do think certain parts can be improved upon i think it's pretty ok overall!
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/mark
favourite lines:
That if you could personify silence, it felt like Johnny today; unsettling, unknown, a yawning gulf that beckoned to him for reasons he didn’t know. He felt the pull, then, from a still-sitting Johnny, one meter away from him in a comfortable hoodie and a placid expression that Mark couldn’t begin to decipher. He was close enough that it made Mark wonder—what would happen if he inched forwards, just a little bit? If he just slid down to the floor—if he placed a hand on the plush hoodie that Johnny was wearing—would Johnny push him away?
thoughts:
- damn When Mark Wrote Poetry. ok the first thought in my mind was that it was like, hilariously kewl kid instagram poetry (which it really was), but i did think that was endearing & i wanted to make something out of that!
- also i genuinely think johnny thought it was good, i think he'd gobble up shit like that & it's not like he can do any better :p
- in terms of writing it i pretty much wrote it right after mark posted the poems & pulled an all-nighter writing it, i think i was just in the mood to write some introspective shit haha! & halfway into writing it i had an ending sentence in mind "mark took a breath, and leaned in" & that really helped to ground the ~flow of the fic; i think i was able to use (& manipulate. & play with) structure in a way that i like here, in order to build tension/mood!
title: split the blank and the silence
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/ten
favourite lines:
“Just you,” murmured Johnny. “That’s why. Who else could it be?” He said so firmly too: like it was the easiest truth in the world. “There’s nobody else. It’s always been you.”
thoughts:
- god. ehhh.
- this was also written for alw fest
- i am SOOOOOOOO incredibly ambivalent about this like i forget i even wrote it.... honestly the only reason why i got it out was because i had a dealine, and i rushed writing it in a few hours & was incredibly unsatisfied with the end product because i just DIDN'T LIKE MY OWN CHARACTERIZATION.....
- also personally i don't really know how i would navigate angsty johnten so i went the sappy route and it just felt so........ bleh. yeah. bleh
title: round river circle
fandom: qcyn2/snh48
ship: fei qinyuan/su shanshan
favourite lines:
“Then—could I be your boyfriend…?”
Silence. She waited for Su Shanshan’s expression to stutter shut, but it remained moon-like, half-light half-shadow shored into one soft circle. “You forgot already, didn’t you?” Su Shanshan murmured.
“Forgot—what?”
“What did you say you’d call me?”
“Ah… jie…” There was nothing else she could say besides that refrain, but before she could circle around it Su Shanshan was doing it for her: “Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan, Yuanyuan…” Her eyes were impossibly round. Like her name. Like the moon. Like the river, ebbing into a circle.
& the doubled dream section:
Summer was approaching. It had yet to rest upon them, but the sky was festering, waiting; there was no sun but intemperate humidity, clinging to their clothes and bodies. In this half-summer they had gone to Sichuan: Chengdu first, then Chongqing, and in Chongqing they had poured through the streets with unending laughter—oh how good it was to feel alive! To pass through stalls and haggle with vendors like tourists, to smell the delicious scent of spice and oil intermingling… to hold Su Shanshan’s hand as they traipsed through the city, taking in everything and anything that was on offer.
[...] “No, jie.” There was moisture dripping down her own cheeks; had she started to cry too? Yes, she had—her eyes were wet. Su Shanshan reached out to wipe her tears away, and, hands shaking, she reached back to hold Su Shanshan’s own face; the touch of it burned through her fingers. “No, it’s me. It's me who should be sorry…” She looked up, and Su Shanshan’s eyes were trembling with tears. They really were impossibly round. Like a stream, welling into the river circle. There was a lot of rainwater; it was half-summer, after all.
thoughts:
- written for a ggjukebox round. and bear with me this is about to get long because i have #thoughts
- if you know me from twitter u know that this is probably the only fic this year that i can say i'm like, MOSTLY satisfied with... i think it's my best work this year!
- structurally i really wanted to experiment w the whole sectioned stuff, but i had also initially been thinking about taking it out of the pangu origin story--like chaos first, then the awakening etc etc... but it didn't quite work with the rest of the fic
- i know the idea of "fall" is more biblical but i think it's a word that makes sense of like, the ~primordial start of the story; like the idea that there's something inherent even before the Origin, which is not only fqy liking girls but also her "falling" for 433
- i experimented with this a lot in this fic, e.g leaving a lot of dialogue tags empty. and also i didn't use fqy's name throughout her pov until the final section, because i wanted the idea to be that she was finding herself, and her identity, but just as she's able to 'find herself' as fei qinyuan ("fei qinyuan takes a step in") 433 also presents her with the finality of her statement (fqy can't be 433's boyfriend)
- but i think an underlying thing that might not be obvious is the question of whether 433 saying that fqy can't be her boyfriend because she's straight or bcs fqy could never be the kind of girl she'd like? that's also one of the reasons why i kept the 'boyfriend' throughout & not 'girlfriend'-- fqy assumes that 433 is straight and therefore would want a "boyfriend" gf, which 433 confirmes in the end, but fqy never asks if 433 wants her.
- i actually have a lot of incredibly complicated thoughts when it comes to chinese lesbian slang/river slang/the way these girls identify themselves & how RIGID some of the lines are, that despite being gay it's still incredibly gendered, and that certain words, e.g "boyfriend", or "husband" etc don't necessarily mean that they are guys, but just mean that the person Feels like a boyfriend, or a husband.
- THEMATICALLY i think this was a load of drama but i think the setup did work for this kind of fic, and i'm happy with it TT__TT so sorry to xffs that i wrote such an angsty fic about the cutestgirlcp LOL.
title: like real people do
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/donghyuck
favourite lines:
“In front of everyone?” murmured Johnny. He was imagining the scene like a movie in his head, where everyone else was the crew and they were the main actors. In his head Mark shouted Action! and Donghyuck approached; the pepero stick was wrapped around his lips. He beckoned at Johnny, who was consumed by whatever it was—the long-forgotten taste of chocolate, or Donghyuck’s carefree expression—and moved ever-so-slightly to nip at the stick. One bite, two bites, three—but before he could bridge that one-inch gap someone yelled CUT and the moment was over.
His hands were on Johnny’s chest now, his face above him. And light shone overhead like a cloudless sky; this was how it felt to have Donghyuck so warm and soft atop him. So Johnny could only lean in, and he heard himself saying: “Okay, okay, baby, I will,” and thereupon Donghyuck’s pleased murmur. And then the kiss, transmuted from the murmur out of which it had grown. And then the light again, an abundance of it, unstuttering in Donghyuck’s face, cheeks, nose, eyes. And thereafter, the sun.
thoughts:
- MOST PRETENTIOUS FIC OF 2021...... literally smashes the ceiling. LOL
- i have a lot of johnhyuck thoughts that i won't share here but also i do think that hyuck is different in front of johnny than he is with the other hyungs, like he's not as rabidly obsessed with johnny as he is with taeil or a bully at ALL when u compare johnhyuck to dohyuck... i do think there's something softer & sweeter & that johnny does baby hyuck a lot (which hyuck plays into)
- like i know he's mostly just playing at being a whiny baby but he is also def a whiny baby in front of johnny, lol... the hyungism of it all!!!
- literally the style of the second half of this was some kind of pretentious modernism and let me tell YOU i had a whole breakdown over the ending paragraph (the 2nd paragraph in fav lines) because initially i was going to put ellipses in the front of EVERY sentence & i know it was TOO MUCH but also i really really wanted to cuz i'm Like That. in the end i was vetoed by two friends & i def see where they were coming from :p
- yes that's why the dialogue is a bit off. it's because the innate bitch in me just couldn't help it..... LOL......
title: love-god providence
fandom: nct
ship: kun/chenle
favourite lines:
—In a flash Chenle leaned forwards again and kissed him. “This is what I want,” he said. I
n his shock Kun could not bring himself to respond; all he could think of was the press of Chenle’s lips against his, so quick that it was over before it started. Yet he was left with the hollow ghost-print of it, and that sensation burned like a fuse throughout his body, exploding upon the question— “Why?”
Once again, Chenle leaned forwards—this time softer in approach but harder in action, his mouth pressing insistently against Kun’s. Like a hungry ghost, he was relentless; when Kun allowed himself to relent he felt Chenle shudder uncontrollably against him, gasping into Kun’s mouth before pulling away. “Ge,” he panted. His eyes were dark and hungry and bottomless. “You ask such stupid questions sometimes. That kiss was an answer, you know.”
thoughts:
- OHHHHHHH this was the start of kunlesummer2k21.... i had latent kunle thoughts in the first half of the year but i was also like, only half in nct fandom & occupied with other things (both irl & fannish) but i did keep up w some of kunle sunday akdong radio, mostly from twitter but also occasionally i would listen to some parts of it (such an inconvenient time for me..... sunday 8pm my time, i was almost always out!)
- anyways. i listened to that one day where cl teased kn about him being "jealous", had a whole like, kunle screaming session on twitter (spamming gifs of burning elmo), opened a fic doc and started writing, but then ran out of stamina in like 2 hours and then trying to fix it after that for half a week was just like......... Sighs. i just kept feeling like none of it was meshing together, which is why my A/N says that "it's not really good lol"
- i think the part of kunle that i enjoy the most is just like, the easy banter & how comfortable they are with each other TT__TT it's so obvious that cl is just enjoying pulling shit on kn and kn is genuinely really content to let cl lovingly bully him into submission...... it's true love! anyways a lot of their convos inspired how i wrote them here, i think--they've got such a good rapport on radio hehe.
- cl hungry ghost agenda!
title: pour out the night sky
fandom: nct
ship: kun/chenle
favourite lines:
Overhead the night sky was speckled with stars. They twinkled a merry little rhythm, winking mischievously at the Earth and its inhabitants below. The moon, engulfed in liquid white, curved into a crescent that stretched across the sky; even from so far away, Kun could feel its smile rest upon his face, and he felt strangely comforted by it—it felt like a guardian of sorts, guiding Kun along the mountain road.
Kun went, stumbling across the rocks in pitch-blackness. Around them it was still empty; the only sounds he could hear were his breathing and footsteps, amplified by the silence of the mountain night. Chenle did not move, and as Kun reached out to finally grasp his hand it was him that had to close his fingers around Chenle’s, turning them back to face the sky. He was terrified beyond belief, but it was a terror that was tempered by Chenle’s fingers in his. They were warm. They were good. The sun was beginning to dawn again. Together they stood, and together they were warm and good.
thoughts:
- kun mentioned huashan on a sunday akdong radio, and me being DEEP in kunlebrainrot then i was like..... wow wouldn't that be such a great setting for a kunle fic? and then i rolled with it, haha.
- i think this fic actually came quite naturally for me--it wasn't really a struggle to write & i had quite a lot of fun with it... the problem was that at the end i was really just like, completely running out of stamina & because i already had an end-goal in mind (the ending conversation: "nobody can see us here") i was rushing to finish it before i just.... never could, which i think resulted in a bit of the natural flow and sequence of the fic not being as good as i would have liked!
- e.g i would have liked to expand a little bit more on their day hiking on huashan (i glossed over the whole afternoon in like, 1 paragraph) but also i will admit i was just kind of... lazy lol and i couldn't think about it when i was writing so i just thought "o i'll come back to it later" and ofc i NEVER did
- i do enjoy travel writing/descriptive writing so this was an incredibly fun exercise for me! i think i do have an advantage because i have been to huashan before, and while writing/doing a bit of background research i did go back and look at my photos there.... ahhh... i miss! TT__TT
- also i really, really enjoy writing kunle banter. they are just so fun together!!!! so much teasing and sass and mutual love!!!
- i joke about this a lot but i have the tendency to accidentally rhyme sentences while writing and i think there's quite a few instances of it happening in pour out the night sky HAHA
- i do have a twitter thread where i talk about some stuff re: this fic
- ALSO i have talked abt this on twitter as well but i've left a few annoying little references for my own glee..... if you've caught them, e.g the mountain orchid song being 兰花草, the liangpi (that i actually did eat on huashan), the whole "cl calling himself gege" thing, kn calling cl da-ge bcs i heard him do it to cl once on radio and it was so exasperated-sounding that i just had to include it, ahahahaha
- i think out of the 3 kunle fic i've written this one is probably the most, like..... cohesive? and it was also an incredibly fun time for kunletwitter!
fandom: the9
ship: xu jiaqi/yu yan
favourite lines:
Somehow Yu Yan found herself floundering under Jiaqi’s gaze like a fish with no gills; every second made her breathing more and more erratic until she felt like she could no longer breathe. Drowned and humiliated, she moved to leave, but before she could take one step Jiaqi caught her by the arm. “I like you,” she repeated. That red smile was still on her face. “Why don’t you believe me?”
thoughts:
- this was initially meant to be written for a ggjukebox round, and was also way longer/way different... this fic is kind of an ambigious side-note to what the Real fic was supposed to be (yy having the world's biggest crush on xjq and being xjq's fuckbuddy despite xjq 1) being very adamant that she was too busy w/ work to date & 2) identifying as straight), but i just couldn't get that out!
- i had such a hard time with this little snippet... i think one thing i find hard, as i ranted a lot to my beta, was changing cn idols "voice" into an english one and making it feel distinctly them-- like, for example yy tends to speak quite curtly in a way that i didn't exactly know how to translate into 'eng' speech, so i struggled a lot with the dialogue in this one.
- also they're repeating the same thing like 10 times over and it's just the whole jiejie/meimei thing, i am so predictable
fandom: nct
ship: johnny/mark
favourite lines:
But, he thought shakily, he would have wanted it. He would have accepted all iterations of the disgusting pet names, just to hear Johnny utter them to him. He could feel them now, as he closed his eyes: the words were forming in Johnny’s mouth. In the air they coalesced into a whisper; or was it a hiss, slithering into Mark's own body? Like a man possessed he reached down, stroking himself with a fervor that left him even more feverish: it was not enough. He wanted Johnny's voice deeper in, right into the lining of his gut, and it was as this thought slid deeper that Mark felt himself start to grow hard.
Johnny sighed. His eyes flickered. “Ok. I get it. Now shut up.” He pushed his chair slightly forwards, and for some reason, Mark thought he was going to maybe—comfort him. Brush the tears from Mark’s cheeks. Or even kiss him, pulling Mark flush to his chest while doing so. God, Mark wanted that. He still wanted that, despite knowing that it was nothing more than a delusion. He was a crying, blubbering mess, but he would still let Johnny do anything. He would let Johnny consume him, like he’d seen in that Netflix show once. Give himself in completely. Let Johnny strip him down, feast on his flesh, and gnaw on his bones. He would let Johnny do it all.
thoughts:
- this was a little bit of a bitch to write! it was also meant to be something much longer and a lot more fucked up (lol). the idea was that mark ultimately ends up having some kind of (physical) sexual encounter with johnny, where he can't stop thinking about whether johnny thinks he's ten in that situation and feeling humiliated by it but also grossly turned on (justmarkleethingz)
- in the end i ended it there because i just couldn't decide on how i wanted it to progress. LOL. because personally i don't think johnny is a mean mean person, i genuinely think he's quite giving & i think part of that 'giving' to mark is just bullying him because mark LIKES THAT & johnny is like, incredibly aware of that fact
- i think this is a fic where it's impossible to think about johnny + mark as some kind of good/bad dichotomy, because while johnny is verbally "meaner" i think mark is the one being physically meaner by just, forcing his presence in a place where he really shouldn't have been?
- also i tried to make it clear in the fic that mark was consciously staying there, like he's the most unreliable narrator ever so he goes on trying to excuse himself for staying there bcs "he was rooted in place/some kind of camera/can't move" when he absolutely CAN, like the easiest thing would just be to flee... but no he chooses to stay and he jerks off to it???
- i'm really obsessed with body & body movement & just like, the distance between the mental/physical etc etc and i think this fic was able to convey some of those ideas
- anyways i think this fic was ok. i had problems with the ~flow of it all, even after i checked w/ a friend, bcs i wondered if the more abrupt dialogue mixed with the very intense descriptive scenes was too jarring, but in the end i think it worked out fine!
- yes the cannibalism show on netflix is hannibal :D
title: claim your favour
fandom: genshin impact
ship: beidou/ningguang
favourite lines:
“Why not?” asked Ningguang, sounding far more amused than was befitting of the situation. “Does it not add to your charitable reputation? The Dragon-King, the ocean’s purveyor of protection, the hero who killed Haishan with her bare hands and was blessed with a vision for that feat—is also a tender and passionate lover in bed. By all accounts, no girl is left unsatisfied after a night with her—she makes love as generously as she pays. Is that not as positive of a description as any of us would want?”
“What do you want, then?” challenged Beidou. “Something more impetuous?” She went to where Ningguang was standing, perched against her large wooden desk, and knelt at her feet. “Your servant has arrived,” she said, pressing her head to the bottom of Ningguang’s dress. It was the perfect picture of subservience: the Captain of the Crux Fleet bowing for the Liyue Qixing’s Tianquan. If only the rest of Liyue could see them now, what would they think of her? Captain Beidou, who bowed for no-one—lapping at Ningguang’s feet like a dog hungry for validation. Perhaps they would think she had gone crazy.
“Rise,” Ningguang breathed out, and Beidou rose. “It’s unbecoming of you to prostrate yourself like this.”
thoughts:
- written for femslashex2021!
- ok i will admit. writing this was not really....... very fun, because i did not outline ANYTHING and this was a long story that actually needed plot, so it was such a bad idea, haha. i did struggle a lot throughout, and a lot of it was just me forcing myself to mindlessly write. which is why i do feel that certain parts of the fic are just incredibly.... whatever? like i don't think it's a particularly good work, haha
- tbh i still don't know how i wrote this LOL it was 17k in a day or two and i was crunching a uni deadline at the same time！
- i DO love beiguang tho, and i think one part i did really enjoy was crafting what i thought was a Good Ningguang in my head--i personally just have a very specific idea of ningguang, who is shrewd and calculating but also softly-spoken and beautiful and enigmatic and not like some kind of, angry evil lady who's outwardly domineering and mean!!! very Careful, very Steady, very firm, very GEO. nice but not kind. very quietly amused at beidou. absolutely insufferable!! so that's really what i wanted to get across hehe
- also thank u sooooo much to my prompter for giving me the opportunity to write beiguang bcs i really don't think i could have otherwise!
fandom: gnz48 (snh48group)
ship: chen ke/zheng danni
favourite lines:
In the half-light of the bathroom window she saw Chen Ke. Through the shower steam she was barely a figure, just a shadow spilling over the side of the bed; yet even in the blurriness there was no doubt it was her. Perhaps Danni had just spent too long observing her shadow—the direction of it, how it sprawled precariously at an angle that was so distinctly Chen Ke—that she knew at first instance who it was.
thoughts:
- written for ggjukebox!
- sighs
- sighs
- sighs
- [another deep sigh] ... i will try to keep this brief
- ok so this wasn't my original plan for ggjukebox but i couldn't get the other thing out but i was ADAMANT that i wanted to participate, so like 1 day before the deadline i saw that i had like 200 words of some danke fic and just decided "ok fuck it i'll finish it"
- that's why the beginning has a paragraph that i think is ok and then the rest of it just goes into wordvomit smut LOL
- see the thing is that.... if you know me you know that i love danke. i LOVE danke. i love zdn and ck... i love egg being the jiejiefuckr69 of gnz... i love ck's repressed self & how easily she gets embarrassed by things... and i can't help but feel here that i've WRONGED them by writing an incredibly mediocre fic..... like my mind was going "jc you love them so much how could you do this to them?"
- i know i'm just being #dramatique but i genuinely just feel this could have been so much better, if u can't tell i kind of gave up a little bit at the end (and it's never good to give up in the middle of writing smut bcs the abruptness is EVEN more jarring)
- there's a lot i want to explore w/danke... i tried to touch on it a little bit in the fic, but i think zdn's desire/love for her favourite jiejie ck is like, the Most Important Tenet of danke, and i was trying to get at the idea that she's so consumed by it that she can hardly think of anything else (the LOVE BAN...... her job... the fans), because to her what's important is the Moment and in the moment she's just so in love with ck and wants to make her feel good that nothing else matters to her!!!!!!
- also again re like, translating voice to english, this was SOO hard and i don't think i've exactly got it here, because egg has a really distinct way of speaking, esp when she's acting cute-- she'll "flatten" the tones of characters on purpose to make it seem cuter, and she also has a tendency of using a lot of filler words that i didn't exactly incorporate here! same for ck, she tends to panic-laugh a lot in the middle of sentences and i think i could have incorporated that better!
- sighs. i will Do Better. i will write better dk fic. lol i called danke "lesbian kunle but better" one day while trying to explain their dynamic to a friend & like..... so if i truly believe that i can't do them DISSERVICE.....
some final thoughts
it was quite the fic year for me! i did do a thread on twitter answering some other ao3 questions. i've really enjoyed being in nct fandom this year--i think the new friends i made this year are all because of something to do with kunle, LOL. i know i'm kind of half-in half-out of nct fandom, but it's always going to be a fandom for me (i think)! i am a 127ist first and foremost, and re: the rpf part of that i do love seeing the new combos pop up and dynamics shift/change; it's a load of fun. it's very NCT48 of them I Must Say!
in terms of goals... this year i'd like to continue to write--i've got a few kunle thoughts that i'd like to write, e.g You Know What (hehe) and also i think i'd still like to return to some futurefic exploration.... and i've got many DANKE fic thoughts as always... i have to write something danke that i'm happy with or i will be so annoyed hhhh. i also do want to write some non-rpf fic--maybe i'll sign up for an exchange or two! oh and i'm NOT going to miss yuletide signups again. here's to more fic! <3
p.s if you like snh48 pls be my friend. also if you like danke i think we should be best friends.
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Date: 2022-01-08 01:55 am (UTC)re: the danke - i personally always think it's harder to write ships/people you're v invested in because all of the ideas abt how they should be easily become burdensome & so much pressure to get it right. lol kunle were appealing to me at first bc they weren't my faves or my main ship. but my approach w kunle since i've gotten more invested has been quantity > quality lmao i figure if people read most of the stuff i've written, collectively those fics prob communicate my kunle thesis.
regardless, i really enjoyed your ggjukebox fic! and i will happily read more danke from you <3
also looking forward to new moonfishes kunle fic in 2022! the world needs it!
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Date: 2022-01-21 12:07 am (UTC)i also completely agree w investment making fic harder...... it truly is a little bit of a burden because i just feel i MUST get it right, and same hahaha kunle wasn't my fave/main ship so it was so much easier to write something based on that one split second/moment that i listened to on the radio then constantly contemplate whether i was characterizing them properly, lolol. but i'll get there, hopefully!!! communicate some kind of dk thesis like you have through your many (amazing) kunle fics.
AHHHH <3 it meant the world to me that you read my danke! AND I WILL HAPPILY READ YOUR FIC TOO... i must get to the aespa/got stuff. it looks so good. looking forwards to more capsule kunle fic as well-- the community could not function without u! <3
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Date: 2022-01-21 01:30 am (UTC)lol i wouldn't worry too much abt my aespa/got stuff, i just had a three day writing binge trying things out + taking a break from nct fic so it's all a bit of a mess tbh. and kunle keep doing so much so ig i'm firmly back in kunle territory again... i don't even know if/when i can finish any fic for them, but we'll see!
no subject
Date: 2022-01-21 04:26 am (UTC)KUNLE REALLY HAVE BEEN DOING SO MUCH... THE TRIP! ahhh good luck with the fic writing for them, i will be ravenously awaiting any kunle u write <3